Saturday, January 9, 2010

I didn't know bass had clubs, I thought they preferred schools?

So when I originally started this blog, I intended to write about the funny, random and really redneck things that happen in my life. I realized recently that I have failed. Now don't get me wrong..."funny" and "random" are well-covered. In fact, one might even say "risque" and "slightly scary" are covered as well...I mean, who out there can forget the wash cloth incident???
But "redneck"??? Lacking...

So dear readers, I am thrilled to inform you that you will get your redneck fill today. Tonight, my husband and I have a date night. Not redneck, right? WRONG! Our date night will consist of attending his Bass Club's end-of-the-year banquet.

Yes. I'm serious.

And I don't mean "Bass" like the shoe/clothing company....I mean "Bass" like the the water. Like they're giving out fishing awards for the year, talking about God knows what and eating dinner. Ronnie tried to reassure me that it will be the most fun I've ever had with my clothes on by telling me that they are doing door prizes with shopping gift cards for the "women". Yeeaah....ooookaay.....can I just say here that I'm pissed that women aren't IN the bass club??? I can catch the shit out of some bass! Personally, I think they're just afraid the chicks will kick their asses at fishing....which, you know, dudes totally can't handle.

And, my biggest concern? What to wear. Dress up?? Hmmm...I'm very concerned I will be over-dressed and then considered "high falutin'" by the other Bass Club wives. (Who for some reason, I picture like countrified mean girls. Like "Ohmigawd! I LOVE your outfit! Where did you get that sweater? I don't 'member seein' that at Wal-Mart!?!" to my face and then when I walk away "Ohmigawd. Y'all...that is the ugliest sweater I have ever seen. Who does she think she is wearin' that fancy outfit to a bass club banquet.")

Dress down?? Well, I'm not sure I want to rock the jeans and camo boots (make that glittery camo boots) because if everyone else is dressed up, then I'll just look redneck and stupid. "Redneck" I can handle...even occasionally "stupid" I can handle....but both?? Um, no. And the other wives would be all, "Why would she even wear that to the end-of-the-year banquet?! I mean, really....didn't anyone tell her it's a banquet, like with a buffet and all!?! You'd think she would have dressed up a little."

So I think I'm going to go with having a couple of beers this afternoon, catching a slight buzz, saying "Fuck it" and throwing on some clothes (which will most likely end up being jeans and a black uniform).

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