Friday, February 1, 2013

Things you will NEVER hear me say

"I can't wait to get to Susie's scrapbooking party! I am SO looking forward to making a new page about our Saturday afternoon spent cleaning out closets!"

"I just don't think I can finish this glass of wine."

"No, I'm sorry, my kid can't come to your house for a sleepover."

"You didn't make coffee this morning? Okay, no problem, I'll just skip it for today."

"Yes, I just picked this bag up from the monogramming shop."

"Man! I really wish somebody would have an afternoon, girls only party at their house this weekend. I am fresh out of jewelry, purses, wickless candles, wrapping paper and skin care products!"

"I can't wait until it gets colder outside!"

"My besties and I are headed to the bead show."

"Sorry, no, I can't go to happy hour with you...I've got to run a marathon."

"I'm so bummed that it's Friday...I really would like to come to work tomorrow."

 T. (insert appropriate being here) I. F.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

I know. TMI. Like I've never heard *that* before...

I will readily admit that I have a bad habit of being an over-sharer. 

I really just don't embarrass all that easily and I am usually genuinely seeking input on whatever topic we are talking about...even if it's super-personal and embarrassing for everyone within earshot (i. e., Ronnie).

Regardless, I'm SO about to go there.

The background: I determined that this year, I was going to do more things for myself.  Women, especially mothers, tend to do for others more often than they do for themselves.  So, I'm trying to reconcile my feelings of selfishness with my need for sanity by doing more things for ME.  Case in point: I began CrossFit.  I have no idea if there is some sort of copyright issue with me talking about CrossFit (the first rule of CrossFit? You don't talk about CrossFit.), but I'll give you a bit of information. 

Number 1. It's a killer work out.  Like, boot-camp killer.  Everything is scaled so ANYONE can do these workouts.  However, there is no fancy climate-controlled gym, no elipitical/stairmaster/treadclimber/etc equipment, no TV and no show up, you bust your ass and you see results within a very short amount of time. 

Number 2. It's highly addictive and cult-ish.  There's a whole "CrossFit lingo" you have to learn and it's like, all I ever want to frickin' talk about. 

So, here we year, new leaf, new focus on me, working out, etc. 

The problem: I don't know what underwear to wear.

I'm dead serious.

I'm having major workout wardrobe issues.

Sports bras? No problem...I don't have much up top anyway.  Tank tops/t-shirts? Extensive collection.  Bottoms? Pants, capris and shorts, CHECK.  I even have one of those cool compression jackets with the thumb holes so your hands are kinda covered...yeah, I feel very emo when I wear it.

But the underwear situation has me flummoxed.

Boy shorts? Too low cut.

Granny panties? Too high cut.

Thong? Too jiggly.

Bikinis? See Boy Shorts.

None? Too....just....gross.

I realize this is a stupid problem to have.  Why can't the choice be simple, like boxers, briefs or boxer-briefs?

Being a girl is lame sometimes.

My next attempt at solving this problem is going to be to buy the workout/running shorts with the underwear built into them.  The first time my kid put these on, I'm pretty sure her comment went something like this, "Ohmigod! MOM! These shorts have *whispers* panties in them!".  Me: "I know honey, you don't have to wear panties with them, you can just wear the shorts." Her: *ridiculously high-pitched girl giggling* "MOM! You HAVE to wear panties!"

Okay, so I kinda feel like she has a point.  I'm not sure I can do the commando thing, even with built-in underwear, but I'm going to have to give it a shot, because it's getting ridiculous.

I think I'm over-thinking it.  In fact, I know I am.

I could just wear those Olympic track shorts and basically workout in my underwear.

I'm feeling like there'd be a distinct lack of appreciation from others in my class.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Remember me?

First post in 7 months.  Almost to the day.

In my defense, I thought the world was going to end December 21st and I needed to live it up the last 6 months of my life.

My student loan company received a similar explanation as to why my payment was "late".

Fucking Mayans.

So. Here we all are. Still.

Good Lord, I don't even know where to start.  How about here: the main reason I even remembered I have a blog, much less that I used to actually write stuff for it, is mother-effing Pinterest.  I know, I know! I STILL have issues with Pinterest, but for the last two weeks I've been getting emails of "Hey You! is now following one of your boards on Pinterest! Happy Pinning!".  Okay, first of all Pinterest, "Happy Pinning" is idiotic.  Don't ever say it again. Secondly, are you not aware that I haven't even pinned anything to that board in, like, 487 years?!!? I'm honestly not sure I even remember how to pin, but I can assure you, Pinterest, that I will not do it "happily". 

Stupid Pinterest.

BUT.  I will say, that I have now been guilted into to write again for the first time in months.  Perhaps the 8 of you reading this owe Pinterest a bit of gratitude.

So yeah, that's pretty much why I am back to banging away on the ol' keyboard in the hopes of avoiding therapy.  Or being committed.  Or medicated. 

In other news: I quit smoking.  And started working out. 

I'm pretty sure I'm having some sort of breakdown.  (Upon reflection, perhaps I *should* consider medication....)

The smoking thing has not been nearly as hard as I thought it would be.  'Course, I wasn't like a pack-a-day smoker or anything...I was more of a "social smoker, plus some".  But it was time to quit.  And not because I'm suddenly concerned about what I'm putting into my body or the environment or any other such lofty notions as those.  No, the main reason I quit is because cigarettes are frickin' EXPENSIVE! (And yes, I will readily admit that the hacking cough keeping me awake at night gets a little old.  But mainly? The money).  I'm a cheap-ass.  Anyway, it's only been a week.  And so far, it's going well.  At least I haven't killed anyone yet. 

Man....all this self-improvement is exhausting.  Is it time for happy hour yet?