Friday, August 27, 2010

Fun Facts About Kindergarten

Fun Fact About Kindergarten #1: Having a locker in your classroom, even if it's only a locker that's big enough to hold a midget and an umbrella, is the epitome of COOL.

Fun Fact About Kindergarten #2: Because the aforementioned locker is just so damn cool, the highlight of the day is putting things into, and taking things out of, the locker.

Fun Fact About Kindergarten #3: Learning people's names is not nearly as important as what they are wearing.  For example, the kid has made a new friend and she has no idea what her name is, BUT she was her partner for an assignment and she was wearing a cute outfit.  Friendship material? I think yes.

Fun Fact About Kindergarten #4: The "holding area" in the mornings is the Multi-Purpose Room (MPR).  We did not have such things when I went to school....but the kid just thinks this is the coolest room EVER! "Mom! It's like a gym...but with carpet!"

Fun Fact About Kindergarten #5: You can sit by whomever you want to in the cafeteria at lunch.  Me: "So, who did you sit by?" Her: "I don't know her name." Me: "So, what did you talk about?" Her: "Um, lunch." Riiiight. (Sidebar: Sarcasm at age 5?? Seriously?!)

Fun Fact About Kindergarten #6: There are not ONE but TWO playscapes on the playground.  And they have SWINGS! But you have to wait your turn for the swings and if you're wearing a skirt or a dress and you swing, then it flies up and shows your shorts, so you should always wear shorts under it because, otherwise? You're showing your panties.

Fun Fact About Kindergarten #7: If you are late (by even one minute...I swear it was 7:46...really?!? One freakin' minute?!!?), you have to stand outside of the MPR room and miss morning announcements.  Please don't ask how we know this after only FOUR days of school...

Fun Fact About Kindergarten #8: Evening activities may as well cease completely the first week of school.  At cheer leading practice yesterday evening, the kid was standing in the glazed-over, blind-stare pose of someone who is sleeping with their eyes open while standing up (yes, that happens...I saw people doing it all the time in college).  When the kid who never sleeps tells you "Mom, I can't even stand up anymore.  I'm too tired.  I need some rest or a nap", everyone should immediately STOP what they are doing, take that kid home and put her in BED.  This will be documented as the day that hell froze over.

Monday, August 23, 2010


I never knew that it could feel so good to be needed...

That one little word could invoke emotions ranging from panic to embarrassment to euphoria....


I didn't intend to be a mother quite so soon...a fact that I don't share with you, but I would never hide from you...if that makes sense.  Maybe I wasn't expecting you, but honestly kiddo, I've never known what was best for me.  Luckily? God does....which I've heard is one of the best things about Him.

So I was given you.

The most beautiful, challenging and complex being I've ever met.

You are a lot like me.

Yet nothing like me at all.

You are like nothing or no one who has ever been or ever will be.

You are you.

And you are extraordinary.

Today, you started kindergarten....another chapter in the journey of your life.  A journey that will most likely include years of formal and informal education (most things I learned in life about people, I learned from the junior high and high school cafeterias....I wish I was kidding).

But today wasn't about the years to was about minutes.  The minutes I spent pacing next to your crib wondering if your fever had broken yet.  The minutes I spent rocking you and feeding you at 3 am praying that you would go back to sleep easily.  The minutes I took to pack your bottles and later, your lunches, for daycare.  The minutes I stared at you while you were sleeping because I had, quite literally, never seen anything so beautiful.

Preparing for today took years, but seeing you blossom took minutes.

The minutes I held your hand while walking into the building and down the hall to your classroom.  The minutes spent unpacking your supplies and putting them away.  The minutes I took to snap "just one more picture". 

And the minute you turned from me with an "I love you, Mom.  See you this afternoon!" and a gleaming smile on your face.

And in that minute, I knew you would be fine and that I'd never be needed in quite the same way again.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Stand Up

So I have this fantasty life (I have several, actually...check them out here), in which I am a stand-up comedienne.  And people actually pay to come and listen to me rant about various and sundry things...much like what I write about here.  But you're all getting to enjoy this shit for free....can you say "thank you"?? Yeah, you're welcome.  Anyway...I digress (as usual).  So because I have this fantasy life of being in stand-up comedy, I LOVE to watch it.  I have a good friend who shares this enjoyment with me and is always telling me about new stand-up she caught on Comedy Central and if it was worth a damn and all that good stuff.

Her newest discovery is this guy....Holy Lord....he's funny.  Check out the link and tell me I'm lyin'....

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Lessons on Jesus

Thank God.....I am finally back at work.

Now I can get back to blogging more often working!

And my husband and I can have a more appropriate amount of together time so that we don't kill each other.

Luckily, we all survived the summer.

We are, however, all a little shocked that school will be starting in two weeks so we're trying to squeeze in a few more lake trips, pool trips and movie days before we have to get back to the scheduled grind of the school year.  The kid has decided to squeeze in one more camp before heading off to kindergarten, too.  So, she's been attending vacation bible school with her cousin this week.

Which I may have to reconsider for the next few summers.  Not because of any religious reasons or whatever, but more because I didn't realize how seriously she would take all of it.  The first day she gets in the car and I'm all "So how was camp today?" and she's like "Good.  We learned about Jesus.  Did you know he's dead? That makes me sad for Jesus....I bet his mom cried." Me: "Oh no honey, he didn't stay dead, he was raised from the dead after three days".  And she immediately perks up and asks when her pony, Sally, is returning to the pasture. 

Parent biblical explanation: FAIL.

But then some of the stuff she's told me about it has been pretty damn funny.  The next day I'm like, "Did you have fun at camp today?" and she says "Yep, but today was water play day, so we didn't talk about Jesus, we only talked about God.  On water days, it's God and on the other days, it's Jesus".  And then yesterday, I ask her about camp and she says "Today was fun.  We talked about Jesus and how we need to follow him.  But I don't really know where he's going....I guess we'll learn that tomorrow."

Catholics never really *did* the whole vacation bible school thing.  I'm not sure why, but to be honest, since I went to school with the same kids I went to church with, not seeing them over the summer wasn't all that bad.  Of course, I was raised with a healthy appreciation for Jesus...although I have to admit that I never realized he had such an aversion to water.  Maybe that explains the whole turning it into wine thing and why he didn't want to get his feet wet so he just walked on top of the water.

The things I missed out on learning by never going to VBS...