Over the summer, the kid and I had multiple opportunities to go places with water, like the swimming pool, water park, lake or beach. When you live in Texas and it's 118 degrees, you do what you can to stay cool. (And no, this is NOT the part of the blog post where I rant on and on about how fucking HOT it is outside...you already know and it's pointless to bore you with repetition). SO, the water park...or the pool...or wherever we were, generally there were people in swimwear. Makes sense, right? Right.
O. M. Jesus.
Apparently some people don't own mirrors.
And honestly, some of them were so bad that I started wondering....you know, maybe it's just me?
Maybe I'm the one with the insane body-image issues and these people have one over on me, you know? Hey, they're cool being who they are (even if who they are is a 350 pound woman in a string, rebel flag bikini (yes, I saw that....and I'm here to tell you, there are some things you can't "unsee")). So, who's the one with the problem here? Them? Or me?
I'm thinking it's me...and I'm pretty sure that my whole world is shifting because of it. Do you know that in these moments of clarity I've actually considered wearing a bikini?? ME! In a TWO PIECE!! It's never happened before....but I'm thinking about breaking it out. (After, of course, a few hours laying out in the backyard in it so that my stomach can get a *little* sun. My momma's friend used to always say, "Tan fat is better than white fat!" Words to live by, my friend.)
Here's the thing: these women are comfortable with their bodies and comfortable in a two piece swimsuit...so why shouldn't I be? I'm athletic, fairly toned and a nice average double-digit size. I don't have to shop in plus sizes or anything. No, my stomach's not flat (damn you, Miller Lite!) and yes, my thighs jiggle a little when I walk, but hey, maybe I should embrace this body I live in--cellulite, stretch marks and all. I'll never be as thin as a model and I'll never have six-pack abs, but why should that put me in the "mom swimsuit closet"?? I'm starting to think it shouldn't!
I feel like I'm having an epiphany.
But then I actually think about being out in public in a two piece swimsuit and I start hyperventilating a little. So I'll just start with baby steps...like laying out in the backyard. Or maybe just wearing it when I shower. Or in my bedroom with the lights down while no one else is home.
Men don't have to deal with shit like this...they can be fat and shirtless at the pool and no one says a thing.