Friday, April 9, 2010

No, I am not *really* afraid that my husband is going to kill me, mom....stop worrying.

I did NOT sleep well last night.

It could have been the fact that some random-ass stray cat has decided that the space underneath my house would be a GREAT place to bear her little devil-kittens and they were yowling ALL FREAKIN' NIGHT! This morning, my oldest boxer girl, Sasha, got a job—destroy kittens on sight….no questions asked.

And before you go all, "Ohmigod I love cats! They're a fuzzy little animal and one of God's creatures just like dogs!" let me tell you that cats are from the devil and they creep me the fuck out. And I will kill quickly remove from the premises any cats that think it's totally cool to 1. Procreate or 2. Give birth in or around my house.

Stupid she-devil pregnant cat.

Stupid loud devil kittens.

The other reason I did not sleep well last night was because I had a nightmare.

Yes, a nightmare.

Seriously??! Am I 8?!?

But I had a doozy of a nightmare last night. Okay, here's the scene—Ronnie and I arrive at an out-of-the-way hunting cabin for a getaway. We are planning to go hunting that evening and I suggest we have a drink. He looks at me all creepy-smiley and says "Sure". So, we have our drinks and discuss where we're going to hunt. The whole time we're talking in my dream, he's looking all creepy and weird. Then, we get ready to go hunting and when I ask him where my gun is, he says (with this weird serial-killer look on his face), "You don't need a gun…you're going to be the hunted, not the hunter." At this point, I'm like, "Whatever…where's my gun asshole?" and then he's like, "No really, I'm going to kill you.  And then you can never call me 'asshole' again". And then I realize he's serious and I run.

And then? I do that whole *GASP* and wake up thing....breathing like I had just run a marathon.

And I was totally freaking out…so I kinda wanted to snuggle over to my husband, but then I'm like, "No fucking way, that dude wants to kill me!".

But I do…because let's face it, I am chicken shit after waking up from a nightmare and the boxers were snoring so loudly they certainly weren't coming to comfort me.

So then this morning, I told him all about my dream that he was going to kill me in the woods and he's all, "Hahahaha! I would never kill you in the woods…that's *so* obvious." And I'm all, "Hahaha…I kn….wait….what????".

Someone please call me and make sure I'm still alive later tonight. I think that dude's got it in for me.

1 comment:

  1. 1) mental note to mark you off my 'hit people up to get rid of my 5 new kittens' list... (ok, you weren't really on it anyway)
    2) the dream... I laughed... hard! Then, felt strangely bad about about laughing. Then, laughed some more. Emotionally conflicting post, I'd say!