I'm generally five minutes late to work pretty much everyday. And luckily, I'm like, important enough at my job that I do this and nobody jumps my ass about it. Which is, in all, pretty damn sweet.
But all of this is about to change.
Because my kid starts kindergarten next year. And does anyone know what time kindergarten starts?!!? Anyone? Anyone? No?
Well, let me be the first to inform you that here, in
Holy shit dude! We'll NEVER make it on time....EVER. First of all, she doesn't sleep. Secondly, she's a nightmare to wake up and get dressed in the morning and third, I'm late like every freakin' day!!! Not to mention, I am totally spoiled by a daycare that feeds the kid breakfast, so I don't even have to do that! I can already foresee the tons of notes or phone calls or emails that I'll be getting informing me that my child has been late to school 4 days in a row and the next time she's late, she'll have to like, put a quarter in the swear jar or something. I mean, surely you can't get detention in kindergarten??
Ohmigod. What if I get my child detention?? In kindergarten?? She'll hate me for life!! And then, she'll engage in all these Lifetime Movie Network behaviors and like, make a pregnancy pact with her friends when she's 14 and go on Maury Povich and marry some douche who wants her have like 19 children like the Duggars. I'm screwed.
So here's my plan--we'll get home in the afternoon, eat dinner and go straight to bed. Like at 6:00, we'll be in bed.....I'll buy blackout curtains and shit. I'll lie and tell her it's 9:00 if I have to. Then, we'll sleep for 9 hours or so and be up and at 'em by 4:00 am. That's the only way I can see having enough time in the morning to get her up, dressed and fed. There's no possible way we can be late....no way. Even if we do have to skip a step or two somedays....like eating.....or clothes....