The best invention EVER?!?!
The drive-thru daiquiri factory.
Except we don't have them here in Texas....communists.
But I went to one multiple times...I mean, once...this weekend. Yep, you guessed it, I ventured out from the dry-county, no-smoking-in-public-places, "I-pulled-you over-because-three-people-in-a-car-is-suspicious" world that is central Texas and headed to Louisiana. My roots, my motherland....
And I totally realized that my entire extended family is crazy, not just us. Seriously....CRAZY! Like the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, but with dudes and more alcohol.
For some reason, Texas "crazy" just ain't the same as deep South "crazy"....it's like a phenomenon that should be studied by like National Geographic or some shit. And I don't mean certifiably "crazy" like "I-hear-voices-and-they're-telling-me-that-I'm-Elvis-Presley-reincarnated-and-I-need-to-make-a-sequin-suit-out-of-your-skin" crazy (ewww--I just totally grossed myself out with that). I mean, just kind of your general run-of-the-mill, fun crazy people.
Like in my family, we have at least 50 people at every function. Really. Like, your dog just peed outside for the first time in his 12-week long life?? 50 people show up with beer to celebrate.
And that's another thing...there's always alcohol. It's totally cool to have a baby shower (with the required 50 people) and serve Bloody Marys and Mimosas--even though the "guest of honor" can't drink. "Sucks to be her" is the general consensus.
And then there's the fact that, even if you are as far north as you can get in Louisiana without being in Arkansas and you're in a bar, there's a damn good chance somebody's handing out Mardi Gras beads. And usually, you don't even have to show your tits.....usually. There's generally not even a clear reason as to why this person is handing out beads. But you take them....and wear them....and try to convince everyone the rest of the night that you did not show your tits to get them....and they don't believe you.
And everywhere you go, even a small-town Christmas festival with your family, there's music and dancing. Seriously. In Louisiana, you don't even need a band--turn up the car radio and stop in the middle of the road. Hey, I've seen it happen. And EVERYONE dances...I honestly witnessed a 7th grade girl dancing with her mom to the Cupid Shuffle this weekend. And she wasn't even embarrassed (the girl, not her mom....her mom is my cousin and a total hottie, so she needs to out there shakin' her thang!) (Yes, I really just said "thang.). But yeah, the kid was totally dancing with her mom and not wanting to crawl under the table to hide from embarrassment.
*sigh*
Louisiana....such fun, such debauchery, such a killer hangover on Monday.....
No comments:
Post a Comment