I'm giving you fair warning...my post today is totally going to be "over-sharing". Really.
So if you're like easily offended or would rather not think about people you know having sex, then stop reading.
Okay, so now for all you sickos out there who kept on reading (and really, you're the fun ones...just don't tell all the people who aren't reading anymore! heeheehee), let me tell you a little about how my day started.
It began as most Fridays do...with a little "Friday fun time" for me and the husband (even though he was totally an asshole over the Christmas tree thing--hey, what can I say, my defenses are down before coffee). Anyway, so that's all well and good...even though I hate morning sex. I know, I know....most people love it. Me? Not so much--I spend most of the time thinking about how I need to brush my teeth and wondering if I have morning breath.
But I digress....
Okay, so everything's done and I head to the bathroom to get showered and ready for the day. My husband walks in behind me to...*ahem*...how to say this fairly delicately?? Um....how about this: "clean the man parts". Which he proceeds to do using disposable tissue. No problem, right? Ooooh...just wait. So after he uses the disposable stuff, he apparently decides that the man parts just aren't clean enough and proceeds to USE THE WASHCLOTH ON THE EDGE OF THE TUB!
Yes, he totally did.
He totally wiped his man funk on the washcloth I use to clean my body with!!!! Not to mention--MY FACE!!!
What. The. Fuck. Dude.
I was all, "What the hell are you doing? Did you just wipe man funk on the washcloth I was going to use to SHOWER with??" and he was all "Oh, yeah....I guess I did" and I was like, "GUESS?!?! You GUESS?!?! I just totally watched you do it asshole!!!" and he was like, "Okay, jeez...chill out, I'll get you another one"
"Chill out?? Really?? That's your advice here?? Chill out. Okay, sure no problem...and when I have jizz on my face at work, with children and their parents, I'll just tell them to CHILL OUT!"
Oh. My. God.
I wonder what else he's used to "clean up"?
I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.