Wednesday, November 18, 2009

If there's a place you need to go, I'm the one you need to know, I'm the map!

Fucking Dora the Explorer.

I mean, even the kid is annoyed by it.

Dora's all: "To get to my house, we need to go through the jungle, over the river and past the castle. Do you see the jungle?"


Then I hear my 5-year-old: "Yes! It's right there!"......"I said, it's right there!"....."Look over there Dora!! UGH! Don't you see it over there??"

And Dora's all: "Right! You found the jungle!"

And my kid's all: "No shit, sherlock."

Except she doesn't really say that, because then I'd have to beat her. No, I don't really beat her, but I would have to give her some sort of consequence for saying "shit" like washing her mouth out with soap.

But she LOVES the Dora...and the Blue's Clues. And I'm so ready for her to outgrow these "interactive TV shows" that are supposed to be so "educational" and just get sucked into the mind-numbing awesomeness that is the Disney channel. I mean, really?? When does that happen?? I'll watch me some Hannah Montana or Suite Life of Zack and Cody all damn day!!!

I mean, I didn't have "preschool on TV" and I turned out okay...I'm well-educated, I have a job...I know when i comes before e and who discovered America and what the quadratic equation solves (okay, not really, but come on--who does??). And all I had was Sesame Street--which I freakin' LOVED!! I was like the old lady who loves Days of our Lives, but with Sesame Street: "MOM! Stop talking so loud, my stories is on!". And I swear, I don't remember it being as annoying as Dora and Blues fact, I think it was MORE educational.

You know, like, Bert and Ernie's obviously "less-than-platonic" living arrangement (was it just me, or was one of them always in the tub/shower??). Or the fact that Cookie Monster was always hungry for chocolate chip cookies (reminds me of this dude I knew in college)? Or even Mr. No-it's-not-OCD-I-just-really-like-to-count-stuff Count (my first introduction to mental health issues)??

See...we sooo learned waaay more from Sesame Street.

Happy 40th!

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