Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Commitment Issues

I have them.


I have a hard time staying committed to things....mostly because, well, being committed to things is a shit-ton of hard work.

Not like my husband or anything--nothing that major. Just the general, every-day type commitments that people make.

Like exercising....meh....what if I don't feel like it?

Or sports teams...."You mean we have to watch football?? But I'm facebooking!"

Or washing my hair...luckily I was blessed with non-greasy hair that can make it 3 days before looking like "homeless chic".

Or even friendships with some people. In fact, I think I'm downright rude to some people at work because I just don't have the time or energy to have another friend....really, I don't. I'm sure they're very nice and we could possibly talk at length about all kids of wonderful topics like puppies, sunshine and rainbows, but....basically, I don't want to work that hard.

I feel like putting up a sign:

Like, "Plenty of friends here, thanks!".

That is so bitchy.

I know....but being a good friend takes WORK, people! And you need to consider the level of commitment a new friend might require. I have conveniently given you some guidelines from which to work:

1. "The Drama Queen": Does this person always have lots of shit going on in her life that she then dumps on whoever gets stuck in the copy room with her, leading to 45 minutes of "Oh man that really sucks! Well hope that works out" repeated over and over as you try to get your foot out of the door, while totally forgetting your copies??? BAD FRIEND MATERIAL.

2. "The Stalker": That girl at work who randomly shows up in the exact same outfit you wore the day before and constantly watches you out of the corner of your eye and has taken to saying things like, "Man, I wish I was as smart as you, your husband is soooo hot and your kids are so cute, you really sound like you have the perfect life"? BAD FRIEND MATERIAL (and the possibility of lots of legal issues and paperwork--more commitment).

3. "The Mooch": The teacher across the hall that always conveniently mentions she is soooo thirsty but never carries cash so has no money for the vending machine, but when you offer her some change, she grabs it faster than you can say "Diet Dr. Pepper"?? BAD FRIEND MATERIAL

4. "The Party Girl": The girl you meet out for drinks after work who gets totally slammed in the span of all of about 30 minutes and then insists on yelling things like, "And you know Mr. Smith the band director is gay, right?" or "See this girl at the table next to us? She keeps staring at me and I'm about to knock her the fuck out!" causing you to have to call your husband to get your kids and get home late for dinner because you had to drive her drunk ass home? BAD FRIEND MATERIAL

You all just totally mentally sorted all of your friends/acquaintances/co-workers into "BAD FRIEND" and "GOOD FRIEND".

My work here is done.

Oh--and before you ask, no, you're not any of those types of friends. Really. I swear. Or we wouldn't be friends, remember? I have commitment issues.

No comments:

Post a Comment