Wednesday, March 3, 2010

A Clockwork Orange

You know what I absolutely love? (she asks without a hint of sarcasm)

When my husband asks me questions that he already has the answer to, but wants to hear my answer first so that his answer doesn't piss me off.

If you're married or dating or have EVER dated--you totally get what I'm talking about. 

Here's our conversation yesterday:

Him: Do we have plans this weekend?
Me: No, I don't think so, why?
Him: No reason...I was just asking.  I didn't think so.
Me: Really? No reason, huh? Okay....
Him: Well, it was just that I was thinking about going fishing.  Mike called and wants to go, but I was making sure we didn't have any plans first.
Me: Ah...and now we get to the real reason.  So basically, you knew that you wanted to go fishing and you knew that we didn't have any plans this weekend, so rather than man-up and say "Hey, I'm going fishing this weekend with Mike", you engage me in this lame-ass conversation that has now wasted 3 minutes of my life that I will never be able to get back AND has made me miss a crucial moment of flirtation between Agents David and DiNozzo on NCIS?? Really!?!??
Him: *pause* ummmm....I guess so.  So can I go fishing on Saturday with Mike or what?
Me: Dude.  I'm not your mother.  You're an you want to go fishing with Mike?
Him: Okay, fine.  I was just trying not to piss you off by saying I'd go fishing when we had other plans....jeeez.
Me: Whatever.....
Him: So, I'm going fishing on Saturday with Mike.
Me: I'll alert the media.

Communicating when you're married is like psychological warfare.

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