Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Redneck Pillow Talk

You probably don't want to read this.

I know I've said that before and what happens? Most of you just keep right on reading. 

Just know that I am not responsible for you continuing to read.  If you are making that choice on your own, then you have no one to blame for any residual effects other than yourself.  However, if there is a meth-addicted burglar in your house right now and he's holding a gun to your head while demanding all of your cash, jewelry and cigarettes and insisting you read this blog post RIGHT THIS FUCKING INSTANT OR HE'S GOING TO CALL CHRISTOPHER WALKEN TO COME DOWN HERE AND SMITE YOU!, then maybe you're not totally responsible because I happen to agree that Christopher Walken is creepy as hell.  Still.  Consider yourself warned.

So this morning, it's raining.  Which is not new and shocking information because seriously? It's been raining for days....non-stop.  Because of the rain and potential flooding, school was delayed for two hours.

My plan? Sleeping in, doing a load of laundry, making breakfast tacos and running errands on the way to drop off the kid.  My husband's plan? Wednesday morning nookie.

Okay, fine, I can go with that....kind of nice with the rain on the tin roof and whatnot, we're not in a huge rush to get out of the house this morning...sure, cool.

So we're getting all cutesy and laughing and "So why don't you come on over here?" and "No, you come over here" (hey, I warned you.  Stop this point, I think you're committed.  And yes, moving across a king-sized bed requires negotiation as to who's doing the moving).

And then he says something to the effect of putting something in my garage.

"Really? Did you really just compare the girly wallet to a garage??? WTF?? Did you have to compare it to something sooo....cavernous and roomy??"

"Well, I am about to park a Peterbilt in it."

And that's when I snorted....which kinda killed the mood.

But I gotta give him points for a quick comeback.

***Redneck dictionary: A "Peterbilt" is an 18-wheeler.  As in "a big f'in truck".  See why I snorted??

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