Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Other People's Kids

A couple of days ago I took the kid to McDonald's.  She was thrilled.  Really? What is it about that place?? It's an indoor playscape for crying out loud...nothing too original about that.  But ohmigod! She loves the McDonald's...

So we went.

And because it was Sunday and my husband was at the deer lease with his buddy, we stayed for as long as she wanted to.  Which seriously? Was THREE HOURS.  Yes, THREE HOURS.  Holy Lord.

While sitting there for THREE HOURS watching her play on the oh-so-original-and-popular indoor playscape, I realized something: I'm not a fan of kids.

Oh, sure, I like my kids...most of the time.  But Holy Obnoxious Batflaps Batman! Some kids? Are just downright annoying.  For example, "Personal Space Invader" kid was out in full effect.  You know these kids, right? They're the kids who have never met a stranger, like to tell you random stories about their grandma's teeth and have no problem at all sitting extremely close to, or on top of, you or your kid.  And they're usually sticky. 

"Personal Space Invader" kid's cousin, "Oversharing" kid was also there. "Hi.  My name's Molly and I go to West Elementary School and we live in the Western Falls subdivision and have a dog named Chuck.  My daddy works out of town alot and my mommy likes to eat Cheetos and watch Desperate Housewives, but we're not allowed to watch it with her".  Well great, Molly! It's so nice to meet you! I'm going to continue to ignore you and refuse to give you eye contact in the hope that my reading my book is hint enough for you to stop talking to me.  Oh and by the way, maybe you shouldn't approach a stranger and give them all this personal information in case they're "Creep at the McDonald's Playscape" guy, mmmkay??

Then there's the "Smart Ass Preteen Who Was Dragged to McDonald's with her Little Sister" kid.  She threw a smooth-ass fit because her mom got her a cheeseburger rather than a hamburger.  Her mom was all "Ohmigod, just eat it Mya and quit being a brat".  And this kid looked at her mother and goes, "No, Mom.  That's N-O.  I'm not eating it because you screwed it up".  And you know what this mother did? "Whatever Mya, you're so grounded.  I'm sick of your attitude." And the kid proceeds to roll her eyes and bury herself back into her Nintendo DS.

Um, really?

Where was the "I'm whispering but I'm really yelling at your right now and you'd better straighten your shit out while you're still in public and I can't tell you what I'm really thinking" mom voice? Or the "Would you like to go to the restroom and have a private conversation about what I really think about your little attitude"? Or even the flat-out reach across the table and oh-so-subtly pinch you on the arm so you can adjust your attitude and eat your fucking cheeseburger and like it because I paid for it and there are starving children in Ethiopia?

None of that.

Instead, Mom buries herself in her iPod Touch.

No wonder kids don't have manners nowadays....neither do their parents.


  1. OMG... this post made me laugh so hard! I love the Space Invader's cousin the Oversharing kid. LOL!

  2. I don't like cheese on a hamburger, so I can really relate. Why didn't the mom suggest that the girl just go to the counter and tell them she wanted a hamburger? They would have been glad to swap out the cheeseburger. They actually could care less. But,you're right, no manners, no communication. Sad really.

  3. Oh no, Anonymous...mom did suggest that. To which said pre-teen expressed refusal and said something like "YOU screwed it up, YOU can fix it". I just shortened it for the readers' sake....but again, we agree: no manners, no communication. Sad really."