I find myself blaming a lot of stuff on my kids lately.
Nothing major or anything, we're not having like family drama or anything.
It's just that I blame them to get me out of stuff I don't want to do.
For example, we got invited to go to a shindig on Saturday and I just really don't want to go. But I also don't really want to tell my friend, "Hey, you know…I just don't want to come on Saturday, so I'm ditching you to hang out at the lake and drink beer all day". That's just not cool….but apparently we have some sort of obligation to go to this get-together (at least, according to my husband).
My plan? Blame the kids.
"Oh sorry, we won't be able to make it on Saturday; the kid's tee ball game got rescheduled".
Yes, that would be a total lie and no; I wouldn't feel bad about it. (Okay, maybe a little bad, but then I'd get to the lake and start drinking beer and I wouldn't feel all that bad anymore.)
This is one of the major benefits of kid ownership. They're an excuse to NOT have to do things I don't want to do. Creepy weird guy from the office invited you to meet him and his "girlfriend" for drinks on Thursday? "Ohhh…Thursday? I'm so sorry…Thursdays are just tough because the kids have ball practice until like 8:00. Let me check my calendar and I'll get back to you." Or when the neighbor you don't particularly care for comes by for a visit? "Oh Cindy, gee…I'm sorry, I can't let you in. Yeah, it's just that the kid woke up feeling a little warm this morning and I'd hate for it to be something contagious."
Does creepy weird guy need to know that ball practice is generally over by 6:00 and you could totally make it for drinks if you really wanted to? No. Does Cindy need to know that your kid is playing in her room right now and the only reason she was warm this morning is because she wore her flannel pajamas to bed and it's May? No. Will you need to give some extra money in church on Sunday because of the lie you just told? Probably.
(And before you burn up the comments section with hate mail about telling lies, I get it…it's not a good thing…but these are little white lies that you tell so people don't get their feelings hurt and think you're a total douche, so they're sort of almost kind of okay, right?)
On the other hand, kids are also a great reason for doing stupid shit like playing skee ball at Chuck E Cheese's even if I *do* happen to be 30 years old. (Dude….it's SKEE BALL. I love skee ball….don't judge). They're also good for stuff like riding all the rides at the carnival, or going down all the waterslides at the water park, or doing hair, or watching the Disney Channel, or going to see the final Shrek movie in the theater. "Yeah, you know, *I* didn't really want to see it, but you gotta do it for the kids, right?"
Oh, and by the way, we'd love to be able to come over and play on Sunday afternoon, but the kids have to go to this underwater basket weaving competition….sorry. We'll definitely do it some other time…you know, when the kids don't have so much going on.