You might be breaking up with me after reading this post.

(Disclaimer: Some of you may never read my blog again.  You may, in fact, "unfriend" me from facebook, quit following me on twitter and possibly never speak to me again.  It's okay...I understand.  Oh, and yes, you read that correctly, I've sold out and I do the Twitter.  I know.  I'm lame.)

You know what I don't get?

The whole "married couple sharing one facebook page" thing.

Really? I took your last name, I birthed your child and I give you sex regularly enough to keep you interested.  Now you want my flippin' social network???

Um, no.

To me, that feels a little too much like "Hey, now that we're married, it's just easier for us to have one cell phone contract, one checking account and oh yeah, one identity."  Hmm...I'll keep my checking account and my identity, thanks....although you're totally right about the cell phone contract, so let's do that one for sure.

Would you believe I survived an entire 25 years before I even knew my husband??? (A fact of which I have to remind him often when he tries to be too bossy, but which I can totally forget should there be some sort of rodent in the house.)

Yeah, so I'm pretty sure I can handle my own social networking without him, thanks.  I have my own friends, my own hobbies and interests, things I "like" that he may not....and last I checked, I'm pretty okay with that.  Keeps conversation interesting at the dinner table, ya know? It's not like:
"Hey did you know so-and-so got engaged?"
"Yeah"
"Oh, well did you see that the new blah-di-blah album is out?"
"Yeah, on facebook"
"Oh.....umm....well...how was your day?"
"Didn't you see our status? It sucked."
"Well, I had a great day...so why would OUR status say it sucked??"
"Because it's OUR status...duh"

I would guess that most people in favor of the shared facebook page believe it helps eliminate questions as to fidelity in your marriage.  I really don't know...I guess people think it just helps keep it all "above board" between you and your spouse.  So there are no questionable friendships or relationships of which your spouse is unaware?? 

Here's the deal: Ring + Vows = Fidelity.  Period.

I happen to be friends with quite a few people I've dated in the past.  Is that a problem? No, because the word is datED, as in past tense, no longer and over with.  It satisfies my inner stalker and assures me that they ended up marrying someone *almost* as cool as I am (well, except for this one guy who ended up marrying a doctor...dude, you did waaay better with that chick, I promise!).  And so if my husband and I occasionally like to poke fun of this guy I dated for a bit in college and is now super fat and lives with his mom, well, that's just all the more fun for us, huh?
If that is the argument used by proponents of the "single facebook page lifestyle", I'm sorry, but in my opinion, it's flawed.  Seriously, if I were going to cheat, I certainly wouldn't be dumb enough to do it from my OWN facebook page! Um, helloooo?? I'd create a fake one that only me and my affair buddy would know about....duh.  Which would mean that even if Ronnie and I were "co-facebookers", he still wouldn't know I was having an affair and the whole point of having a single page would be moot. (Sidebar: LOVE LOVE LOVE using the word "moot"!)

So now all the "same-page couples" that read this can go unfriend me on facebook...it's fine, I totally understand.  Although to be fair, I'm going to have to ask you to unfriend my husband, too, right?

Right.