Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Yes, Virginia, there really is an afterlife....you just don't really want to think about it.

No, I'm not dead.  I'm just completely overwhelmed with work, the impending holidays, the recently passed turkey day and all the day-to-day crapola that it takes to keep a household running, a husband at least somewhat happy and a kid halfway between "homeless child wipedown" and "clean".

However,  if I really was dead, then I'd be typing this from the beyond...weird, huh? So this would be a message from the afterlife, more specifically, *my* afterlife....which I'm pretty sure will be....er...South.  Do you think computers can withstand flames? I mean, I guess being raised Catholic and attending 13 years of parochial school left me with a fairly healthy respect for the idea of hell.

It also left me with a pretty good idea that I'm probably going to end up there at some point.

I mean, I'm pretty sure you don't live out my 20s and still get to push the "Up" button....just sayin'.

So here's what I picture: I'll die, wake up in a hotel hallway facing an elevator bank and all the buttons will only point down.  Left with no clear choice, I'll push the down button, the elevator doors will open and voila! The elevator will be filled with Madalyn Murray-O'Hair, Ozzie Osbourne, Osama Bin Laden, Hitler, 50 million cats and like 20 people I know. (No, not you....I would never say you're going to hell.  Oh, yes, definitely you.  And you.  And most likely you.) And I think, despite the threat of eternity in hell, there will be a bit of a festive atmosphere.  At least, I hope.

Not really...I'm just being twisted and perhaps funny? Probably not. But I plead temporary insanity brought on by exhaustion.

However, I do now and will always maintain that cats are from the devil.  So they are probably the truest part of this scenario.

This is so NOT what I intended to write about when I sat down at my computer...I mean, who says to themselves, "I think I'll write about going to hell today".  Jeez....I'm such a weirdo.

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