Redneck USA

Text message from my husband to me: Hey, I'm going to the grocery store....do we need anything?
Me: No, I don't think so...why are you going to the grocery store?
Him: I need rubber gloves and a scalpel.
Me: Um....what?
Him: Rubber gloves and a scalpel...to skin my deer.
Me: (Holy shit...well, good thing that was your answer because seriously? I was totally picturing you as a serial killer.) And you think they have them at the grocery store??
Him: Yeah, they have everything there.
Me: I'm going to go out on a limb here and say probably not that.

Couple of hours later:
Him: You were right....no scalpels at the grocery store.
Me: Duh...
Him: But I did get a package of them. From Tractor Supply.
Me: Of cour....wait....a "package"??? Like, how many do you need?? (Serial killer image coming back to mind....)
Him: Idk, but this way I'll have extras.
Me: And why in the hell does Tractor Supply have scalpels??
Him: For cattle castration....duh....
Me: Oh.  You mean not everyone uses their pocket knife like my dad did?? Weird....
Him: Really??? And *I'm* the biggest redneck you know????

You can't make this shit up.