Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Lost in Translation

So I have a friend who adopted a 12 year old boy from Colombia last year. I won’t regale you with the details, but let’s just say it was a long journey with a FANTASTIC outcome. Let me also tell you that this friend attended a Christian (Baptist) school until 8th grade, went to Baptist church EVERY Sunday and Wednesday, went to a Baptist university and had never had sex until her wedding night.

Yes, I know. We have had many conversations about how it is we’re friends.

She also doesn’t cuss.

Or drink.

Seriously, how does she even like me?

Who knows?? But I feel like it’s helping me out with God that she’s my friend. When I’m standing up there awaiting judgment and he’s ticking off on his fingers all the ways I screwed up, I’m pretty sure I’ll just drop her name like she’s the Kardashian of heaven and BOOM! I’m in.

She is, however, one of the funniest people I know. Without cussing. Or drinking. How does she do it??

So the other day, she told me this story about how she got a new car…a Volvo. Since she had never had children, she had a cute, sporty little 2-door Audi. When she realized she was not only going to have to cart around a 12 year old, but also all his buddies, soccer gear and stink, she decided it was time for something more practical. So, she gets a Volvo—a family car. The four-door job with plenty of luxury (leather, power, etc), but chock-full of practicality. She is also one of those people who names her cars. On the way home from the dealership, the family (including their son who is still learning English, remember?) was discussing what to name the new car.

Son: “Mom, this car is a girl, right?”

Mom: “Yes, all cars are girls…she needs a girl’s name.”

Son: “And what kind of car is it?”

Mom: “A Volvo.”

Son: “What about ‘Volva’?”

Mom: SNORT….um, no son, we cannot name her the female version of ‘Volvo.’”

Son: “Why not? What’s so funny?”

Mom: “Well son, a ‘vulva’ is part of a woman’s vagina.”

Son: “Ohmigod!!!! MOOOOOOMMMMM!!! Gross!”

Oh, wait….now I see how we’re friends.

*Printed with her permission. And red-pen editing assistance. Yet another reason we are friends…

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