Thursday, October 21, 2010

So, Vanilla Ice apparently has mad construction skills.

So. (Sidebar: Have you noticed how many times I start sentences or posts with "so"?? Weird.) Anyway, so we recently acquired cable…well, satellite actually because we live in the boonies and can't get actual cable. I did not want the satellite…preferring instead to spend my time in much more useful endeavors like reading….or facebooking…or drinking beer. So (there it is again! Dammit Jim!), guess who did?

Yep. HE wanted the satellite.

So (Ohmigod…make me stop!) to the satellite store we go. Not really…I mean, you order satellite off the infomercial when it comes on regular TV by quickly dialing the 1-800 number they flash on the screen for like .03 seconds when there's no way of actually dialing the entire number before it disappears from view. Or, you get on the intraweb….man is that thing handy.

So (seriously, it's like an addiction at this point…), anyway, we have satellite.

And, can I just tell you that the hours that he has since spent watching the hunting channel have a direct correlation to the hours that are NOT spent doing useful things like cleaning the house, playing with the kid or, you know, showering.

And I hate the satellite.  (Not so much because of that…because let's just be honest here, how much housecleaning was he *really* doing when we didn't have satellite? At least now, he's not following me around while I'm cleaning wanting to know if we can have sex….he's occupied with The Duck Commander…who I'm pretty sure can scare anyone off of having sex for a good long time. Have you seen these dudes?? SCARY.  Yet oddly representative of the North Louisiana redneck I grew up with...)

But I digress (again).

I hate the satellite because I am now sucked in to the most random shit on TV and it clogs my brain with useless trivia that is taking up space where other information (like when my kids' birthdays are, my voicemail password or the last time I shaved my armpits) needs to be stored.

So (Holy Lord...I'm going to have to start some sort of 12-step program!) I now know, for example, that Vanilla Ice's retirement plan includes owning his own construction company. He specializes in remodeling and has his own show on the Do-It-Yourself Network.

Reality Shows I Could Host/Star In When I Retire:
- Bottles vs. Cans: The Ultimate Showdown
-Living with Three Dogs and Why You Shouldn't Do It
-25 Minute Meals That Convince Your Family You *Actually* Cooked Dinner
-Pint Glass Collection Roadshow
-Save the Hoohas: A History of Women's Body Hair Trends

On another note, this is blog post 100! Holy shit balls! I can't believe I actually came up with 100 posts of random crap to talk about! I hope you have been at least a little amused…thanks for sticking with me! ~NTS

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