Monday, March 19, 2012

Facebook Rant (don't take it personally Facebook...I will always love you...)

I am a HUGE fan of the Facebook (and apparently I'm too stupid to Twitter).  I find it's a great diversion when waiting around for someone, sitting at ball practice or riding in the car.  I will "Like" your pictures, your status and pretty much anything else on your page.  I comment on and read status updates regularly.  I have 400+ friends (and yes, I know all of them....perhaps the meeting is a little fuzzy and I friended them while talking to them at the bar, but STILL...I know them.)

All that is to say, my rant here is not against Facebook, but the people ON Facebook who do not follow the rules.  Yes, I know, there are no rules to Facebook, but for God's sake, there should be.

Rule 1: PLEASE use the "Share" button sparingly.  If every single one of my friends "shared" the latest and greatest Some E Card, my whole wall would be covered with the same damn card over and over and over.  Also, can we agree to stop posting the sentimental/motivational/depressing quotes over fuzzy pictures of rainbows or lily pads on a pond? I like a good quote just as much as the next girl, but for the love of Pete, type it as your status!

Rule 2: DO NOT tag me in your status update unless I'm ACTUALLY with you.  I see this all the time and it drives me batty! Joe Blow: At Hooter's--love these wings! Remember when we came here and got wasted Joe Schmo?!!? -with Joe Schmo But you're not WITH Joe Schmo, are you?? Because otherwise, why would you need to ask him if he remembered getting wasted with you at Hooter's?? You should be actively talking about it across the table at said Hooter's at this very moment! So, what the hell?!?

Rule 3: You do not have to share every damn thing you look at on Pinterest.  For the love of all that is holy.  I am OVER the Pinterest.  No, I don't have an account.  No, I don't want you to send me a link inviting me to create an account.  YES, I do want you to stop sharing every dream kitchen, funny poster and cool hairstyle you have looked at in the last 5.7 minutes!

Rule 4: Along those lines, I do not want to know every song you're jamming out to or video you're watching on YouTube.  Seriously, you're home alone, drinking beer and playing around on the internet....I get it.  If you want to have a party, invite me over, don't post your music and stupid commentary on Facebook.  I'd be happy to come over, have a beer and make fun of you to your face.  No problem!  I'll even bring my own beer!

Rule 5: I do not play games on Facebook.  Bottom line.  Grow your own fucking farm, build a city, go on a treasure hunt, open a restaurant and join the damn Mafia...I could not give less of a shit.  Just stop posting the stupid updates.

Rule 6: Take Facebook for what it is...a social media site.  I do not read every single Facebook post before updating my status and, while I agree it looks shitty of me to post something like, "Beer + Lake = LOVE", which just happens to appear after your heartwrenching post about your dog getting run over, it's gonna happen.  And it's not because I'm a heartless bitch...I love dogs and my family members just as much as the next person.  It's actually because I didn't read all status updates before I posted mine.  And it's MY page, so I'm posting about what I'M doing.  If I was helping you bury your dog or was bringing a casserole to your house because of a death in the family, my status would reflect that.  If I'm not, it won't. And, generally when I have words of condolence to offer, I write a private message to your inbox, comment on your status update, email, call or text you.  I definitely make a point to let people know I'm thinking about them, praying for them and there for them as a friend should be.  Unfortunately, being what it is, Facebook doesn't always organize my thoughts that way.

Rule 7: Another "use sparingly" request: the Check-In.  I'll admit, I'm totally guilty of "checking-in" places...once I figured out how to do it from my stupid phone, that is.  I DO, however, use the check-in only in cases where I'm checking somewhere that A. is cool or B. will make people comment.  I'm kinda a Facebook attention whore that way.  For example, I recently went back home for a visit to my hometown in Louisiana and I made sure to check-in at a local restaurant just because I knew some of my FB friends would comment that it was cool or that they were jealous or whatever.  I DO NOT check in everytime I get to my house.  It's my house, I'm there alot....does it warrant FB mention?? I don't generally think so.

Rule 8: Don't post pictures you can't see.  You know the ones I'm talking about...the crappy cell phone pictures that you take in a bar or during a concert or show or whatever and you can't make out a damn thing in them.  Yeah, those.  Keep them on your phone, show them to me when you see me....but don't put them on Facebook because no one knows what the hell they're looking at.

In summary: perhaps it's time to clean up the ol' Friends list.

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