Thursday, June 16, 2011

4 out of 5 swamp people have been affected.


It's summer.

It's hot as shit outside.

We live in the air conditioning like couch blobs or in the water like floating blobs.

And that's pretty much what's going on around here.

Man....seriously.  Human beings were not meant to live in places with upwards of 100 degree temps.  The Grand Designer should have made us unable to withstand anything higher than, like 80 degrees.  If that was always as cold/hot as it ever got, life would be so much nicer.  Well, at least, less "sweatier" anyway. 

You know, I don't really have a problem with sweating in general, but I feel like I should be doing something to earn my sweat, you know? Like working out, or running, or trying to put on skinny jeans in a non-air-conditioned dressing room.  Those times? Totally "sweat-worthy".  But just sitting?? Sitting on your ass outside? You should not just sweat.  There's just something wrong about it.

I think the main reason I have an issue with it is that (brace yourselves) I sweat like a frickin' MAN.  Seriously.

It rolls down my back, off the tip of my nose and between my boobs.  It's not "glistening" or "perspiring", it's flippin' SWEATING.  Like a whore in church.

But at least I don't have the trouble that my husband does....he tends the sweat in all the same places (minus the boobs), but also in other, more, um...delicate....areas. (And no, before you freak out, I'm not going *there*)

So yeah...sweating...on your butt....(Sidebar: In your butt? No that totally sounds disgusting.  Hmmm...sweating out of your butt?? Holy Lord! Even worse...not sure what the appropriate terminology is here kids....moving on before you just click off this blog and forget you ever even read it...).

Anyhoo: butt sweat.  Referred to by my husband as "swamp ass".  Never heard that? Okay, think about this: you're outside, it's 7:30 am...cooler weather and all that.  You start working.  Next thing you know it's noon and by this point you are sweating pretty good.  So you take a lunch break, cool off, grab some grub whatever.  Back to work....and this is the HOT stretch...1 pm to's 104 degrees hot.  But you make it through, jump in the truck and head home....cooling off with that nice AC.  By the time you get home, you've now sweated and cooled off about 4 times throughout the day.  Your underwear/jeans/shorts are now the bearers of "swamp ass".

Get the picture?

And the ever-so-helpful Wikipedia defines it as as common Marine Corps terminology and says: swamp-ass – unpleasant collection of sweat soaking undergarments.

Well....they made it sound so much simpler.

Think Swamp People get swamp ass??

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